you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
