Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
