Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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