love makes seman taste better
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
