If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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