Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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