That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
So. Much. Porn.
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