ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
