did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
