The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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