Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
