You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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