In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
