i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
