when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
