Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
