The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
