Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
