You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
