they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
