I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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