If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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