On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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