im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Randomize
