I can tuck mytits in my pants
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Screwed.edu
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
