I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
