where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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