Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
