I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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