New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
