Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
