He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
