I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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