how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
