At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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