what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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