So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
