about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
