Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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