She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
