Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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