I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
