i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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