If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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