oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
