There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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