There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
