omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It's blow job season.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
