I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
