I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
