break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
