the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
