where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
