i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
