Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
