I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
