dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
